How Eye Connection Helps Leaders Build Trust

Have you ever tried having a conversation with someone who was staring at their phone?

You're talking. They're scrolling.

Then they say, “I'm listening.”

Are you convinced?

Probably not.

Your listeners experience the same thing when your eyes are everywhere except on them. You may hear every word they're saying. You may believe you're fully engaged. That's not necessarily what they're experiencing.

Eye connection is the intentional visual connection you make with a listener to demonstrate attention, presence and interest in the conversation.

It's different from simply making eye contact.

And it's one of the communication behaviors leaders can practice to strengthen trust.

Why Does Eye Connection Matter?

Think about your last conversation.

Were you looking at the person speaking to you, or were you glancing at your phone? Checking another screen? Reading your notes while talking? Looking around the room while finishing your thought?

We live and work in a distracted world. Your attention has become valuable.

Where you place your eyes tells people something about where you've placed your attention.

Research gives us an interesting look at why eye-to-eye interaction matters. A peer-reviewed study available through the National Library of Medicine found greater synchronization between two people's brain activity during eye contact, reinforcing the idea that eye contact is an inherently social signal.

Other research on live eye-to-eye interaction has similarly found increased neural coupling during real-time eye-to-eye contact compared with looking at a face on video.

Does that mean looking someone in the eyes automatically makes you trustworthy?

Of course not.

Trust is earned through the consistency of your words and actions. Eye connection is one behavior that helps your listener experience you as present and engaged.

Here's how to practice it.

1. Only Speak When You See

This is one of the simplest communication techniques I teach.

Only speak when you see eyes.

If you need to look away to collect your thoughts, do it.

Pause.

If you need to glance at your notes, do it.

Pause.

Then reconnect with your listener before you begin speaking again.

Try it and you'll notice something else happens: you naturally slow down.

That's good.

The pause gives you time to think and gives your listener time to process what you've already said.

You don't need to stare someone down. This isn't a contest. You're creating intentional connection rather than letting your eyes wander while your words keep going.

2. Finish the Thought Before Moving On

This becomes especially important when you're talking with several people.

Imagine you're sitting around a conference table with six colleagues.

Instead of rapidly moving your eyes from person to person while you're talking, connect with one listener long enough to complete a sentence or thought.

Finish.

Pause.

Move your eyes.

Reconnect.

Then begin your next thought.

This is where deliberate practice matters. At first, slowing your eyes down may feel strange because you're accustomed to letting them move constantly.

Keep practicing.

What feels uncomfortable to you may look considerably more confident to your listener.

3. Make Eye Connection Part of Listening

Eye connection isn't only about what happens while you're speaking.

It's equally important when someone else has the floor.

Put down the phone.

Stop looking at your email.

Quit preparing your response while they're still talking.

Listen to understand what they're telling you.

If this is an area you're working on, read Influence with Active Listening. The two skills work together. Eye connection shows where your attention is. Active listening determines what you do with what you hear.

And your listener experiences both.

Trust Isn't Built With a Stare

I want to be clear about something.

Eye connection alone doesn't make you trustworthy.

You can maintain perfect eye connection and still fail to follow through on your commitments.

You can look directly at someone while giving them confusing information.

You can appear attentive and never actually listen.

Trust comes from the pattern.

Do your words match your actions?

Do you listen?

Do you follow through?

Are you consistent?

Does your behavior demonstrate the same respect during an everyday conversation that you show during an important presentation?

Eye connection supports those behaviors because it makes your attention visible.

Practice It in Your Next Conversation

Don't wait for your next presentation.

Pick one conversation today.

Put your phone away.

Only speak when you see eyes.

Complete your thought before moving your eyes to someone else.

When they're talking, listen without preparing your response.

Then ask yourself:

What did my listener experience from me?

That's the question.

You don't determine whether you're trustworthy because you had good intentions. Your listeners make that decision based on the behaviors they experience from you Monday to Monday®.

If your leaders need to strengthen the everyday communication behaviors that build credibility and trust, explore our leadership communication workshops. We give leaders the opportunity to practice, see themselves through the eyes and ears of others, receive direct feedback and turn stronger communication into habits they can use in every interaction.