When was the last time you made a change in HOW you communicate? What! You’ve never had a NEED to change? “I communicate all the time.” “I’ve been doing this for years and people tell me I’m a good communicator.” “The Boomers are old school and they need to learn how to communicate with me via text.” “The Xer’s, Y’s and Millennials just don’t understand how to communicate effectively.”

With change comes the unknown. Without change comes little to no improvement. Most of us do not make changes because it’s not easy. How important is it to you to influence others through your communication? How bad do you want to be perceived as confident, credible and trustworthy? Making even a small change TODAY in how you communicate gets you closer to a new level of communicating with influence.

You first need to reach a realization that says, “How I communicate with others is not OK with me. I’m committed to do whatever it takes to make a change.” When you make the link to what you’re committed to and what you’re about, improvements in your communication behavior will happen.

We live in a diverse workforce, from The Boomers to Xers, Y’s and Millennials. Therefore the change I’m referring to goes beyond just focusing on what works for you. The change I’m referring to requires you to click it; tap into what is important to your listener and communicate using their words, emotions and level of understanding. Click your idea to your listener’s problem by articulating your language in a way that provides them with solutions and opportunities. This is the moment in the conversation when you’ll begin to build trust and rapport. Position your ideas and message in a way your listener clicks in to act on what you have to say.

Here is one easy change you can make that will allow you to connect deeper with your listeners experience and expectations. Before and during your next conversation, take 5 minutes to tailor your message for your listener. The acronym KNOW will ensure you conduct powerful analysis in order to tailor your message to each specific meeting, presentation, virtual and face-to-face conversation and therefore increases the likelihood you will influence action.

Here’s what KNOW stands for:

K= Know:
What does my listener know about my topic and what is their experience? A Boomer will have a different perspective on how to build a relationship based on their experience compared to a Millennial.

N= Need:

What does my listener need to know to take action in the amount of time I have to present the message? A Boomer may want more detail to make a decision when a X’er only needs the take-aways that will really impact them.

O= Opinion:

What is my listener’s opinion on my subject? Everyone has their own opinion based on what they know and what they need to know.

If you are unsure of the answer before to your conversation then there are ways to gather this vital information. Ask open-ended questions at the beginning of the conversation in order to find out exactly what they know about your company, your products and services. What do they like about your competition and most importantly what areas of improvement are they hoping to see?

This line of questioning can help you choose your opening words carefully. Within 30 seconds or less your listener should know what it is you want them to do and exactly what’s in it for them.

W= Who:

Who are they? Dive further and ask; what do I want them to know about the topic? How will the action I want them to take benefit them? What are my listener’s goals? Why should my listeners be interested in this particular topic?

KNOW will only take 5 minutes to walk through before you embark on a sales pitch, presentation or meeting.

• What pre-conceived notions do they have of you?
• What has been their experience of your product or competition?
• What do they want to change?
• Taking the analysis to the next level will force you to think clearly about your clients’ wants. Even though you are selling the same product, every pitch should be different in order to suit that specific target.
• Taking the time to walk through KNOW can make the difference of moving your relationships forward – whether it is with regards to presentations, sales pitches, or even the way you reply to emails. Put it into practice and watch your positive response rate increase.

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Three steps to help you break through the noise

1. Speaking Up = Confidence

If you want to be heard, you need to speak up. It will be difficult to influence others to take

action when they can’t hear you. In all of my years working with thousands of individuals, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had to ask someone to turn down their volume level. Most individuals I work with believe they speak louder than they really do until they hear their voice on a video playback.

On a scale of one to ten, with one being inaudible and ten too loud, your voice needs to be at a seven or eight when speaking to a group of 15 or more. When speaking over the phone or to a small group, project at a four to five level.

Vocal projection has nothing to do with yelling. It’s the realization you need to use different

volume levels so your voice reaches everyone in the room. No one should have to strain to hear you. If they do, they’ll stop listening and you will lose them.

Ask for feedback on the volume level you project in meetings, face-to-face situations and over the phone. This week audiotape yourself during a presentation, meeting, or virtual or face-to-face conversation. Give yourself immediate feedback:

• Would you be influenced by this person?
• Do you sound like you really mean what you’re saying, or do you invite your listeners to check their email?
• Does your voice trail off at the end of your sentences?

2. Get to the Point

Time is valuable to all of us, so why do we steal our listener’s time by taking too long to get to the point? The more you say that’s unnecessary, the greater the risk your listeners will miss or misinterpret your point. Instead of inviting your listeners to check out:

• Stay focused. When you find yourself going down the path of saying too much and you begin to feel like a train about to derail, put the brakes on and get yourself back on track… PAUSE!
• Keep your objective in mind. Think in terms of what your listener needs to know about what you want them to do, not what you want to tell them.
• Put thought to your words before you speak.
• Use the Rule of Three. Focus your message on no more than the three most significant points. It’s easier for you to get to the point and for your listeners to remember your message and act on what you have to say.
• Pay attention to your listener. Are they hanging on your every word or are they dazed? Are they attentive or fidgeting?

This week, prior to your meetings ask a trusted peer to give you a non-verbal signal when you’re rambling and taking too long to get to the point. When you listen to your audio playback, don’t only listen to your volume level but also pay attention to the length of your sentences.

• Is your message articulate, succinct and easy to follow?
• Do your points meet your listener expectations?
• Does your message stay on point or are you communicating too many ideas in a short period of time?

3. Give your conversation momentum.

Close by recapping the specific action you want your listener to take and what’s in it for them. When your listener is clear on what you’re asking them to do, you’ll continue to move the relationship forward. Because we remember the first and last thing we hear, it’s critical that your message is organized.

You listener receives many messages throughout their day. Stating a specific action that has benefits for your listener is what will help you be heard above the noise.

What was your best takeaway from this message? How has this helped you be more influential? Tell us in the comments below.

Sound familiar?

Jim Rohn, America’s foremost business philosopher, states, “With success follows clues.” You can learn how to be more influential by watching others. Simply put, don’t follow individuals who are boring communicators. Examine and evaluate how an influential communicator communicates. The following strategies will help you with this process.

• Watch how they engage and stay connected with their listener.
• Listen to the inflection in their voice and the words they emphasize. Are their words consistent with what their listener is saying?
• Listen to where they insert their pauses and the varying length of their pauses.
• Watch how they move throughout the room if they’re standing while they’re delivering their message. When do they lean or step forward? Where are they standing when they communicate their big ideas?
• How do they use their gestures to pull you into their message?
• How do they make their message stick? Are their sentences clear, concise and to the point? Does their non-verbal language pull you in and entice you to keep listening?
• How do they invite participation? Are they asking questions and what type of questions are they asking? How do they weave stories, examples, quotes and analogies throughout their talk?

An influential communicator pays close attention to communicating a message that’s consistent with how they deliver. They pay close attention to what’s happening between them and their listener, which allows them to leverage all of these strategies throughout their message. When they communicate their big idea, they communicate their passion through their facial expressions, inflection and a gesture that has purpose. You will not see someone at this caliber say they believe their approach is the best approach with a frown, monotone voice, no pauses and clasped hands.

Prior to delivering a message, identify how your impact and influence can be enhanced when you practice one to three strategies. What words can you emphasize or speak with a louder volume? What gesture most accurately emphasizes your point without falling into the trap of distracting your listeners with too many gestures?

During your conversations, pay close attention to the one to three strategies you practiced. Be
flexible about adapting your delivery to what your listener wants. Do you need to pause longer to grab their attention? Are you gesturing or moving too often?

Immediately following your conversation, take five minutes to give yourself feedback. Identify
what worked … what didn’t work … what you want to change. Make the commitment to yourself that you will take action on the feedback you gave yourself.

When you view the Ted.com video off to the right of this article, watch how Hans Rosling brings his data to life. He becomes the data through his gestures, movement and passion for his message. Watch and listen to how Hans uses these strategies throughout his presentation.

Enhancing your communication skills takes focus and hard work. You don’t need to accomplish this alone. Learn from those who have mastered this art.

How much discipline do you have to continuously develop and enhance your communication? I’ve met many individuals who ask: “How long will it take to change and improve my communication behavior so that I have more impact and influence on others?” Most individuals are looking for the magic wand. “If I complete a communication skills workshop … BINGO … I’m healed and will be a great communicator forever.”

“I communicate all the time, therefore I don’t need training?” Because you communicate all the time is the exact reason why you NEED continuous practice and constructive feedback. If communicating at your BEST was this easy, we’d never have miscommunication, arguments, misunderstandings and the list goes on.

If you REALLY want to continue improving how you communicate in ALL areas of your life, your need to commit to be persistent, commit to practice, receive constructive feedback from others, be determined to do whatever it takes and NEVER stop learning.

Most individuals, after participating in a communication workshop, are motivated to apply their new skills and techniques because they observed their improvement. They return to their day-to-day grind and discipline disappears. When this individual is participating in a high-stakes conversation, they know what they SHOULD be doing but they feel uncomfortable using their new communication skills. Therefore, they go back to their old habits because this is where they’re comfortable. “This is too hard. I’d rather feel comfortable than try something new.”

What if a professional athlete would say this during a BIG game? “I don’t feel right with the adjustments my coach made to my tennis swing. I’m going to swing the way I feel comfortable.” A tennis pro wouldn’t say this, much less think it, because their level of discipline is so HIGH.

When the stakes are high, it’s absolutely critical to push through IF you want to see significant changes in how individuals respond to you, how your message is conveyed and the positive results you receive.

When was the last time you asked someone to give you feedback? The response you received may have sounded something like this: “Nice job. You did well.” You have been told nothing. Was this feedback a result of your clear message? Or did it mean you connected with your listener?

If you want to grow personally and professionally, you must actively seek out meaningful, balanced feedback. Following a meeting, presentation or conversation, solicit precise feedback with a description of a specific behavior. Ask, “What behavior did I display that conveyed confidence, credibility or knowledge?”

Do not ask “How did I do?” Be specific and only ask for feedback on one item. If you ask for feedback on your beginning and ending statements, delivery and the benefits you provided, you risk not hearing it all. Or only concentrating on what to improve with your approach and discounting the feedback on how your delivery has improved.

Seven Feedback Wins

Ask for specific feedback on one item from someone. Ask the person to describe exactly what you said or did.

Ensure the person knows what you are asking. If you ask for someone to give you feedback on your presentation, explain exactly how you want your presentation to look and sound.

Be open. If you receive feedback you do not agree with, tell the person thank you for their feedback and move on.

After you receive the feedback, consider:

• How the feedback differed from how you perceived you did.
• What you will change as a result.
• What your response was to the feedback.
• What will determine whether you accept and apply the feedback you received.

Benefits of Feedback Rather Than Fluff

Feedback makes you aware of your strengths and identifies your areas of improvement.

Immediate feedback allows you to make changes and see timely results.

What we personally experience is different than what reality proves. You may feel confident but your peers observe lack of confidence. They notice you fidget or you take too long to get to the point.

Feedback builds relationships. Your peers have greater respect for you because of your drive to be at your best and they see you as a role model.

If you never received feedback to increase your influence, how would you know you needed to make a change?

The excuses come from individuals who tend to lack confidence and self-esteem. Or individuals who believe they’re better than what reality states.

Top Excuses

“If I knew what I was talking about I wouldn’t say non-words.” Your non-words don’t suddenly fall out of the sky when you don’t know your message. When I’ve had conversations with these individuals focusing on a topic they know, they still speak with non-words. Because you’re comfortable with a topic doesn’t mean the non-words disappear. These behaviors are habits and take practice and commitment to change.

“If I had time to prepare what I wanted to say I would sound more confident.” The majority of our day-to-day conversations are impromptu. If you really want to be perceived as confident, you need to communicate effectively all the time.

“When I’m having a conversation with my client I look and sound more confident.” Why do you practice effective communication only when you speak to clients? You can’t be confident Monday to Wednesday and slack the remainder of the week. It’s all or nothing if you want to consistently have impact and influence on others.

If we’d put our energy into improving our communication rather than making excuses, we’d begin making changes that guarantee greater results.

• Building stronger relationships.
• Increasing profits.
• Influencing action.
• Speaking to be heard.

If you find yourself making an excuse this week, think about what you can do to make a change. What you can say or do to have more impact and influence on others?

The choice is ALWAYS yours. It always has been and always will be. Are you missing opportunities because your excuses are getting in the way?

Engaging, Interactive, and Effective

Are you guilty of muting your phone during a conference call as you catch up on email or other tasks? During the first five minutes of a conference call the majority of your listeners will be distracted by other tasks if you don’t get them engaged.

When conference calls are not properly managed by the leader, they lack direction and often require more time than was scheduled. When we find our conference calls going over the scheduled time frame or multiple calls scheduled on the same topic, time and money are not saved. Follow these best practices to make your conference calls engaging, interactive and influential:

• Find a quiet conference room to avoid background noise and interruptions. Encourage your participants to do the same. If participants cannot avoid background noise, instruct them on how to mute their phone lines.
• Stand when you deliver a conference call. You have more energy when you stand, which will be heard through your voice. This adds excitement and variety to your voice.
• Prior to the call, ask a participant you feel comfortable with to ask specific questions during the call. This will encourage interaction by others.
• Start and end on time. When you go beyond the scheduled time frame, you communicate to participants that their time is not valuable.
• Instruct participants not to place their line on hold during the call to avoid broadcasting their “hold music” into the call.
• Use a high-quality headset to be able to stand and move around during the call, without undercutting the quality of your voice or your message.
• Articulate your words clearly. Your listeners do not have the visual cues they would otherwise have if they could see you.
• Always have an agenda and distribute the agenda at least 24 hours prior to the call. Even if participants glance at the agenda before the call, it mentally prepares them for what is to come.
• Prior to distributing the agenda, ask everyone to notify you of a topic they want to discuss. Include their topics on the agenda, and allocate the time accordingly.
• If multiple or ongoing calls with the same group are needed, rotate the role of the facilitator and note taker. This allows everyone an opportunity to take ownership of the calls and holds individuals accountable.
• At the beginning of the call, explain the purpose of the call and your expectations, your role, the participants’ roles and what needs to be accomplished. Explain to participants: “To make this call efficient and to respect your time, we’ll need your participation. I want to make sure everyone is clear on their individual action steps moving forward. Therefore, I’ll be asking questions throughout the call for everyone to answer.” Make sure you communicate to participants that you realize it’s difficult to stay alert on a conference call. In order to reach results and to make sure you’re on track as the facilitator, everyone needs to participate.
• State at the beginning of the call your process for asking questions.
• Follow the agenda and keep the conversation “on topic.” If the conversation goes off topic, ask the group if they want to make note of the topic for future conversations or if they want to discuss the topic now.

  Note: If they choose to discuss the topic at that moment, this will affect your scheduled time. To respect everyone’s time, you need to decide which topic on the agenda you will not have time for during this call. Always ask the group if they’re OK with you selecting which topic to discuss at a later date.

• Use a timer or clock to track time. When a discussion on a specific topic is going in a direction without purpose, facilitate the group to get the topic back on focus. Lead the group by encouraging them to identify action steps on this topic. Once action steps are identified, you can move onto the next topic.
• The more specific the action step the more likely action will take place. For example; “By the end of the week each of you will identify three strategies within your department for servicing your customers to save them time.”
• Engage your listeners. Avoid talking “at” them for more than 10 minutes at a time by mixing in questions and creating opportunities for group discussion.
• New telephone-conferencing technologies are emerging, some of which allow leaders to create breakout groups, conduct polls and un-mute individual participants. These new technologies promote interaction, engagement and efficiency on conference calls.

What Communication

If only we could predict what 2012 will bring.  There is one idea that is a fact: face-to-face communication will be a critical element to building relationships, winning business and achieving personal development.

2011 proved to bring us a fast-paced business environment that required leaders who can create impact and influence others with sound communication practices.  But in today’s world of emails, text messages and social media options, it’s easy to overlook the importance of face-to-face communication and the skills it takes to do it well.  Whether you’re delivering a high stakes presentation, sales meeting, virtual conversation or face-to-face conversation, effective communication requires skill, planning and constant practice.

Technology will continue to hit us fast and furious with many options to communicate our messages.  The challenge will increase to determine which communication medium is the best choice to influence others.  I fear many will take the easy way out by choosing text messages, tweets, emails and whatever new communication option is thrown our way over the more influential option, face-to-face communication.  With this choice, face-to-face communication will become more of a lost art than it is today.

If you don’t use it you’ll lose it!  The more that individuals rely on communication via technology, the more we will see an increase in:

• Miscommunication and misinterpretation
• Misperceptions of each other
• A decline in quality relationships

There will be a greater need for communication skills training including verbal, non-verbal and written.  Companies will continue to struggle with internal communications if they don’t include a training initiative into their yearly budget.  The struggles I’ve heard frequently throughout 2011 from my clients include:

“We’re losing new business opportunities because our people are ineffective presenters.”

“We’re damaging our client relationships because of our lack of engagement and connection during our presentations.”

“We’re losing profits because of our less-than-average negotiation skills.”

“Our people are not as productive as they can be due to time wasters.”

“Our people believe their work will sell for themselves and they don’t know how to communicate their ideas to meet the client’s expectations.”

“Our people don’t know how to interact and create excitement to influence our clients to act on our recommendations.”

If any of these struggles are familiar, it’s time to re-evaluate your face-to-face communication skills and the perceptions your listeners create of you.  Here are three surefire ways to begin:

Before you select the “send” button, take a minute to ask yourself, “Is this REALLY the most effective option to influence my receiver?”

Ask for feedback from your family, friends, co-workers and clients.  Ask them what perception they have of you.

Determine what is the No.1 misperception people have of you and start fixing it today!

Another year is gone; what improvements have you made to ensure you’re communicating with impact and influence? Have you accomplished the goals you committed to in January? What have you done to be heard by your peers, clients and associates?

2012 checklist to increase your impact and influence

1. Do you walk into the room like you belong there? Ask a friend, family member or peer if your posture conveys confidence or uncertainty.
2. Do you earn the right to be heard during a meeting, sales call, presentation, or virtual or face-to-face conversation? We all have the right to speak. We have to earn the right to be heard.
3. Take time to understand your listener by applying K.N.O.W.
   K – What does my listener know about my topic?
   N – What does my listener need to know to take the action?
   O – What is my listener’s opinion about my topic?
   W – Who are they?
4. Before you send an email or text message,ask yourself what the BEST communication medium to influence action is: meeting, presentation, or virtual or face-to-face conversation.
5. Your voicemail is an essence of you. Do you really want your callers to hear the message recorded on your voicemail?
6. PAUSE! Replace your non-words with pause and speak in short, clear and concise sentences.
7. Avoid beginning your conversation with “We are here today to talk about …” Instead, grab your listener’s attention with a S.P.A.R.K. (Story, pictorial, analogy, reference/quote/question or keep them laughing)
8. Re-evaluate the design of your visual aids and how you’re interacting with them. Replace full sentences with bullet point words. Avoid talking to your visual aids.
9. Only speak when you see eyes!
10. Speak up! Your listener shouldn’t strain to hear you. Do you really sound like you believe in what you’re saying?
11. Stand during your next conference call or sales call. Your energy will come through your delivery and message.
12. Before your conversations, ask yourself, “What do I want to gain from my message and delivery?”
13. Videotape yourself to see and hear what your listeners see and hear. Then, commit to at least three action steps to improve what you saw and heard on the playback.
14. Practice makes permanent. Be careful what you practice!

“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.”
Jim Rohn

Whether you’re facilitating a meeting, delivering a presentation or making a sales call, NEVER, EVER go over the agreed-upon time. When you go over time you communicate to your listener that their time isn’t valuable.

Executives average 23 hours per week in meetings? Imagine how productive we’d be if we showed respect by ending on time.

If you want respect from others, you NEED to manage your time. With respect comes trust. When your listeners trust you, influence increases.

When delivering a presentation, ALWAYS practice using the 75% Rule. “If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.” – John Wooden, UCLA basketball coach. How can you expect to communicate at your best if you don’t prepare?

If you’re given 30 minutes to present, prepare for 25 minutes. When you present to a live audience, you’ll ad-lib which will throw off your time. When you apply the 75% rule, eliminate 25% of your content to prevent you from going over time. You want to give yourself the flexibility to add information based on how your listeners respond to you.

If you prepared your talk for 30 minutes but are now told you have 15 minutes, avoid talking fast and cramming 30 minutes of information into 15 minutes. If you begin to run out of time always remember you don’t need to say everything. Instead, communicate the key points that meet your listener’s needs and build your case to reach a call to action.

When facilitating a meeting, use an agenda to manage your time. This is a critical road map to keep you on track. If someone throws you off or derails the conversation, you always have the agenda to get you back on track.

Your listeners’ impression of you begins the moment you arrive. It continues until you say your last word. How would you feel if they disrespect your time?